Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
