Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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