just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
