then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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