god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
