that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
