Me too!
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
