i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
