you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just found a bag of teeth...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
whose parrot is this?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
