Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
