I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
