I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
