drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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