And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
