literally had 100 drinks last night.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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