How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
