My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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