Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
