you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
