am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
