Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
