all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
