So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
