Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
