I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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