Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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