Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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