I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
