Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
ttyl tear gas
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
