They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
