just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
