i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
