I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
please come you make the beer taste better
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
