it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the day after is always just damage control
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
