I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
