sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
