Don't make out with my wife yet
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
