Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
