Pappa wants mamma naked
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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