she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
