I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
