Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
