no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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