If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
