I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
