Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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