Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
