My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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