It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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