We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
