Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
