Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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